Former First Lady Michelle Obama reflected on stepping back from public obligations and focusing on her own well-being during a recent appearance on Sophia Bush’s Work in Progress podcast.
Addressing her absence from high-profile political events and speculation about her marriage, Obama emphasized her newfound freedom to choose how she spends her time—a privilege she says she didn’t always grant herself.
Now eight years out of the White House and with her two daughters grown, Obama explained that she’s finally able to prioritize her own needs. “I could have made a lot of these decisions years ago, but I didn’t give myself that freedom,” she admitted. “Maybe even as much as I let my kids live their own lives, I used their lives as an excuse for why I couldn’t do something.”
With fewer familial responsibilities, she now evaluates her commitments more deliberately. “I get to look at my calendar, which I did this year—it was a real big example of me, myself, looking at something I was supposed to do… and I chose to do what was best for me,” she said, without specifying the event in question.
Obama has notably skipped several major political gatherings, including Donald Trump’s second inauguration and former President Jimmy Carter’s state funeral earlier this year.
Her decisions to step back, however, have not come without scrutiny. Obama acknowledged the societal pressure women face to avoid disappointing others, revealing that her choices even sparked unfounded rumors about her marriage.
“People couldn’t even fathom that I was making a choice for myself that they had to assume my husband and I are divorcing,” she said. The Obamas celebrated 32 years of marriage in October, with the former president commemorating the occasion in a social media post.
Obama has been candid in the past about the strains her husband’s political career placed on their relationship, detailing in her memoir Becoming the loneliness and exhaustion she experienced during his presidency. Since leaving the White House, she has remained politically engaged, campaigning for Vice President Kamala Harris last year and speaking out against Trump.
At a Michigan rally days before the 2024 election, she urged voters, “Please, please do not hand our fates over to the likes of Trump, who knows nothing about us, who has shown deep contempt for us.”
Despite her continued advocacy, Obama insists she’s learning to balance public expectations with personal boundaries. “I still find time to give speeches, to be out there in the world, to work on projects,” she said, referencing ongoing efforts like girls’ education and the upcoming Obama Presidential Library.
“Certain things I am and am not doing with the library,” she added, underscoring her selective approach to commitments. For Obama, the lesson is clear: “That’s the thing we as women struggle with—disappointing people. But now, I’m choosing what’s best for me.”
